Chatting with a Tradwife: "I Believe Marriage and Motherhood Aren't Cultural Accidents. They're Part of God's Plan."

Traditional wives or tradwives have gained wider attention mainly thanks to social media. These are women who stay at home to take care of their husband, children, and household. They share posts about cooking or baking, marital advice, or their approach to child-rearing, often wrapping their messages in early 20th-century aesthetics.

They often avoid this label themselves and don't use it in hashtags under their posts. Defining a traditional wife isn't as simple as it seems. This group of women is both ideologically and visually diverse. Besides the already "mainstream" visual, we can find various representations of traditional wives on social media.

Women without flowing skirts, romantic hairstyles, and design-perfect homes. Women who often also run businesses or engage in other creative pursuits while creating content for social networks.

One of them is Alyssa Rhoda, a mother of two daughters from Michigan, with whom we talked about how she got into the tradwives life, whether she has a plan B, and her views on the division of roles in marriage.

"In our marriage, we've divided roles in a way that reflects our values and strengths. My husband is responsible for earning money. I'm primarily responsible for managing the household and creating a good atmosphere in our family,” she told Refresher.

Before we take a closer look at how tradwives function and what they have in common with feminists, we’d like to remind you that we can only create quality content thanks to members of the Refresher Club. Become one and enjoy all its benefits.

Gradually became a tradwife

Alyssa rarely shows her home, children, or husband in her posts. She usually addresses her followers in sporty clothes, often with a cap on her head. Her hair and makeup, however, are always flawless. Alyssa openly talks about having a "blue collar" husband, a man who works physically and often long hours or shifts.

She takes care of the household and supports her husband. In one of her posts, she talks about getting up earlier than him every morning to pack his lunch, prepare a water bottle, and lay out clean clothes for work. When he returns from work in the evening, she meets him at the door and prepares a clean towel and fresh clothes in the bathroom for him to change into.

Alyssa says she came to this lifestyle gradually: "It wasn't a sudden change or an aesthetic decision. It evolved through my life experiences and beliefs."

Alyssa recounts her journey through unhealthy relationships, single motherhood, and tough times: "After experiencing instability and unhealthy dynamics in partnerships, I started to reevaluate how I wanted marriage to look. I don't want competition; I want clarity, peace, and shared responsibility."

A response to unattainable demands

The traditional wife phenomenon is growing in the USA and Europe to the extent that it's even being studied by scientists. They're examining what drives young women to choose such a lifestyle. Researchers from King's College in London believe that the tradwives trend isn't born from nostalgia but is a cry for help.

"Instead of the tradwife trend being evidence of a return to old-fashioned family values, it shows how younger women are struggling with impossible demands, expressing frustration with workplaces that still expect complete devotion to work while family responsibilities still rest solely on women," writes in an analysis by Professor Heejung Chung.

Alyssa claims that since staying home, her life has become more peaceful: "I'm not constantly juggling responsibilities. If one of my kids is sick, I'm there for them. If something at school requires attention, I'm available. I don't need permission to be there for my family. This freedom brings stability to our home."

Traditional wives, as crazy as it sounds, highlight the same problem as feminists. Both speak about the need for better work flexibility and more accessible childcare. However, while feminists are working to actively change the system, traditional wives are stepping away from it.

Where are the older traditional wives?

Tradwives showcasing their lifestyle on social media are mostly young. So far, I haven't found an older woman displaying this kind of life. Is the tradwife role time-limited? There are several theories that might answer this question. Research confirms that tradwife content on social media is mostly created by women aged 20 to 30. These are women who often have young children and feel pressured to balance motherhood with a career.

While our mothers' or grandmothers' generation often stayed home due to a lack of job opportunities, today's traditional wives generally choose this role themselves. Furthermore, algorithms automatically favor accounts of young and beautiful women.

Some researchers warn that this content's overlap with conservative or far-right ideas on social media is a concern. These movements often use the concept of a traditional family to spread their messages. However, this doesn't automatically mean that every woman who stays home and fulfills herself through marriage and motherhood embraces these ideologies.

Supporting him and creating a safe space

Alyssa doesn’t engage in politics, cooking, or child-rearing in her posts. She focuses on the topics of marriage and the roles of men and women within it: "In our marriage, we've divided roles in a way that reflects our values and strengths. My husband is responsible for earning money. I'm primarily responsible for managing the household and creating a good atmosphere in our family."

On her profile, she shares reflections on marriage and tips for making it work. For example, how a wife's touch and care can be healing for her husband, and how to support him and create a safe space at home.

"I believe that marriage and motherhood aren't cultural coincidences. They are part of God's plan. Women are uniquely equipped to care for, build relationships, and shape the emotional foundation of the home. This doesn't make us subordinate; it makes us strong – just in a different way," Alyssa explains her view of marital dynamics. She emphasizes that being a wife and mother is her primary role in life, but that doesn't mean women can't build careers or run businesses.

Romance and risks of financial dependence

Some traditional wives choose this lifestyle voluntarily, while many are compelled due to circumstances – such as lack of daycare spots or employers not offering flexible hours. When they stop earning, they become financially dependent on their partner.

"Many younger women drawn to the tradwife lifestyle have no idea of the reality faced by women in times when financial dependence made them vulnerable – without legal or economic power, often trapped in relationships,” says Shiyu Yuan, a researcher from King's College London.

I also asked Alyssa about finances and potential negative scenarios like job loss, illness, or divorce. She says that while these are real-life issues, she doesn't base her marriage on fear. Everything she and her husband own, they own together and make financial decisions as a pair.

Alyssa also earns money – she has an online platform where she sells e-books and books with tips on improving marriage. Although it’s not the main family income, she says that if the situation changed, she would adapt and financially manage.

After the first wave of the tradwife trend, there are online stories that didn't end well. Former traditional wife Tsitsi Muza published a text titled: I Was a Tradwife. And it was Terrible. She writes that she didn't dream of such a life; circumstances led her to it. Outwardly, she smiled, was calm, cooked, and ran the household. It looked so good that career women around her said they could imagine such a life for themselves too.

In reality, she silently suffered and hated her life. She says her sense of security depended on how well she fulfilled her role and that there is nothing romantic about financial dependence. "If a woman chooses the traditional life for herself, with her own income, resources, and is prepared to leave if dissatisfied, then it’s truly her choice. I respect that."

A phase or a long-term path?

The tradwife trend is still too new for us to determine if this lifestyle is sustainable for women long-term or just a time-limited phase of life. There are no long-term studies tracking these women over decades to show how their decisions evolve with changing family or economic situations. What we see today is mainly online activity tied to a specific life phase – usually early motherhood – not a confirmed model for a lifelong path.

Alyssa also mentions that children grow up, and circumstances change: "I don't see these roles as fixed. I see them as something that serves us now. I believe healthy marriages adapt to different life phases."

Whether the tradwife phenomenon proves to be a sustainable alternative or a reaction to current pressures, we don't know yet. But it already reveals one thing: many young women are seeking stability and meaning in a world often at odds with family life.