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Tímea Krauszová
November 15, 2022, 11:15am
Reading time: 5:18

Do Women Care About Penis Size And Are Toys In Bed A Sign That A Man Has "Failed"? Debunking Most Common Myths About Men

Sexologists explain when a problem with an erection becomes a health disorder and when is it appropriate to include erotic aids into your sex life, regardless of what your ego says.

Tímea Krauszová
November 15, 2022, 11:15am
Reading time: 5:18
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In reality, women don't search for big penises as often as it sometimes seems on Pornhub. Furthermore, rather than length, they address width and, unsurprisingly, the partner's technique. Various misinformation about the male genital organ is still circulating on the Internet, unnecessarily reducing self-confidence and interfering with the quality of relationships.

Do you think that an erotic aid in bed means that you are failing as a man? Has it ever happened to you that despite the desire for sex, an erection did not come and both parties felt disappointed? From the point of view of doctors, these are questions that couples usually deal with, and thus turn to experiences in bed due to uncertainty or lack of information. We answer some of them in the article below.



Bigger is not always better


Despite the jokes, allusions and countless movies where the size of the penis plays a role, from a scientific point of view it is true that this is not entirely true. According to a study from 2002, up to 77% of women do not care about the length of their partner's penis. In addition, women who rated length as important also rated penis width as important. These data were also emphasized by the participants of another survey.


Source: Pexels/Roman Odintsov


Although almost a quarter of the women from this study associate size with the idea of quality sex, given the data on the average lengths of penises and vaginas, this may not mean anything bad at all. In addition, a too large penis can also be a problem, points out sexologist Dana Šedivá.


"Apart from pornography, big penises are really not that popular. Here, too, the golden mean applies. Men with too much penis have to constantly check themselves during sex, stay away, they don't have the closest contact they desire. Certain positions are also problematic," she told Refresher.

However, men who are attracted to men also often deal with size. According to a British study, up to 38% feel anxiety precisely because of their size, while the reason may also be the lack of freely available and high-quality information and the distorted portrayal of sex between men in pornography.


But according to available surveys, most men have a penis that can satisfy their partner, be it a man or a woman. The average man is not a porn actor with a significantly large penis and stamina without the support of drugs (we already wrote about the fact that most porn is not true here).


This 2015 study summarizes the data up until then and looked at the records of more than 15,000 men from around the world. As a result, the length of the average penis in erection is 13.12 centimeters.  European average is around fifteen centimetres (also in erection).


What women say about penis size

"The average length of the vagina is approximately 10 cm. It is wider in the upper part (just over 3 cm), narrower in the lower part (around 2.5 cm)," Slovak gynecologist Mária Kubalová told us. Anatomy can, of course, differ between people, so someone can have a narrower, wider, shorter or longer vagina than average. There is usually a slight lengthening during sex or masturbation.


Source: Pexels/cottonbro


Since the penises of different men are also slightly different from each other, it can sometimes happen that there is a discrepancy and for a particular partner it is larger or smaller than it would suit her. However, it is possible to work with this in most cases.

Sexologist Dana Šedivá admits that in cases where the penis is really very small, everything depends on the quality of the relationship. "Sometimes a woman convinces herself that it is not important, but over time she reconsiders her attitude. The solution can be various sexual aids, but this can have a devastating effect on a man, because it is a very sensitive topic," Šedivá told us in an interview.

It is especially difficult for men to realize that even sex without orgasm - even sex without penetration - can be fulfilling for a partner. "We have to explain to men that a woman simply considers them the best partner, even if her body doesn't react the way he would imagine." The choice of possible erotic aids is up to the specific couple, but it's often more about open communication than about a toy.

It's not you, it's her


Erotic aids have their justification even for couples where there is a problem with sex, sexologist Šedivá told us. For example, "a man is unable to have an erection, or the erection is insufficient and it is long-term, or permanent condition", said the expert.


"It can concern men with diabetes, high blood pressure, prostate diseases, after injuries. More or less all diseases that affect the vascular and nervous system can negatively affect the ability to achieve and maintain a satisfactory erection. We try to put these couples through psychotherapy and teach them to try to use what today's has to offer." She says that from the position of a sexologist, she tries to help people who can't help themselves.

It can also be cases when a woman absolutely needs vaginal stimulation for satisfaction, but her partner's penis does not suit her, or when one of the partners has an idea that the other rejects. "Where it helps survival and prevents partners from worrying and giving up on intimacy, we recommend sexual aids."


Not everyone wants to try them, and the doctor says that even such a decision must be respected. It is important to talk about it. According to the doctor, it is better to have good sex with an erotic aid than not to have a good relationship. The fact that a man "allows" the use of toys in bed does not necessarily detract from his ego or masculinity at all.


Source: Unsplash/We Vibe Toys


It is not related to his abilities, but to the desires of his partner. "We have to distinguish between satisfaction as an orgasm and then satisfaction in the sense of sexual satisfaction," said the sexologist. According to her, an erotic aid will not replace a relationship or provide emotional satisfaction, only with it can we induce a climax.

"If the partner experiences the most intense excitement through vaginal stimulation and the man is unable to do so, for example due to stamina or erectile dysfunction, there is no need to be too philosophical about it. Include erotic aids in couple sex."


Will he last or will he "disappoint"?

A great fear of men is the idea that they will not get an erection at the right moment - despite the fact that they feel aroused. It also happens to Jan, who told us more about it. According to him, it is overwhelming mainly from the psychological side, which, paradoxically, affects whether he will have an erection or not. "I don't have a physical problem - unless I drink a lot, then, it's normal that a person is not in top shape. But fortunately, I now know that it's only in my head, so I don't feel so stupid."

Jan - whose name we have changed to preserve his anonymity - says that this does not happen to him often. Self-confidence also helps him a lot with a stable erection. 

However, sexologist, urologist and andrologist Ivan Kubiš says that the problem with erection is not only "in the head". According to him, it is a myth. "Up to 80% of erectile dysfunction is caused by physical causes, most often diseases of the cardiovascular system and diabetes. However, it can also reveal prostate cancer. It often happens that a man with erectile dysfunction eventually dies of a heart attack. One problem foreshadowed another."

The doctor says that the occasional miscarriage is common and happens to almost every man. Alcohol, nervousness and other factors can be behind it. But if it happens again, there is no need to look for complicated solutions or headlong for over-the-counter drugs, but to go to a sexologist or andrologist.


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Thumbnail: Unsplash/We Vibe Toys
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