Ex-Camgirl Cristina is Creeped Out by the Amount of Men That Masturbated Over Her

She was young and beautiful. And she needed money. Many stories begin this way, but this one in particular is not so innocent. Main role is played by a woman that was willing to share her life journey with REFRESHER under the condition of complete anonymity. Let's call her Cristina. 

Countless amount of sleepless nights, huge risk, shame and regret. All of that she had to go through over a short period of five years. She found herself in a situation that could've ended up real bad, if it wasn't for her friends warning. Vision of easy money has lead her to expose her body on the internet. Without realizing the dangers of it, 18-year-old Cristina quit doing that. 

In her case, wisdom manifested with age. Even though showing her intimate parts on the internet wasn't the worst thing that had happened to her, she came to realize what she was doing over time. She also recognized that it's important to make her careless life decisions public, to give other girls a chance to learn from it. 

I lived with my mother, but I'd come visit my father every once in a while. He didn't like my lifestyle and what I do, so he used to beat me. I would fight with my mother a lot, so I've decided to move out. Run away so I don't have to see my mother so often. I started taking drugs and my life went downhill from then on. 

Young and reckless

It all started with a divorce. According to the Czech Statistical Office, the divorce rate in Czech Republic is declining. Percentage-wise though, 40% of couples still get divorced. It's more than common for two people that form a family to stop getting along, eventually becoming estranged completely. Cristina was one of the children affected by divorce of their parents. They've split when she was 12. 

As she was getting older, the family relations were heading downhill. „I lived with my mother, but I'd come visit my father every once in a while. He didn't like my lifestyle and what I do, so he used to beat me. I would fight with my mother a lot and so I've decided to move out. Run away so I don't have to see my mother so often. I started taking drugs and my life went downhill from then on,“ she recalls.

Cristina wanted a carefree life. As a young and reckless girl, she had a tendency of solving problems in an instant and radical way. Parties, where drugs were consumed, were her distraction from life problems. „(I took) pretty much everything. First the "party drugs" like ecstasy, LSD and speed,“ she says. As soon as she stepped into the adulthood and got her own place, she didn't want a regular job. Cristina was looking for a way to make a lot of money without working hard.

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They said I only belong to them

She explains how she got into performing in front of the webcam: „It unfolds with the need for drugs and money to buy them. An acquaintance of mine has recommended me a page, where the girls make money by showing their figures and sex. I went for it, because I was young, single and my figure was beautiful. So it was clearly the best way for me to make money.“  

Everything was set in motion. „A man called me to set up an account with a hidden name, and I was ready to begin. I switched the webcam on. Suddenly, lots of people were watching me, mainly older dudes. I was quite ashamed, but I did what they asked of me. Then they've sent me money for that. Some of them wanted me to watch them masturbate. It was weird,“ Cristina says.

She switched between the viewers on her stream. Coming across completely unknown men that weren't afraid to show absolutely everything. Special bond had started to form between her and her audience, despite the age difference or language barrier. Often, the audience consisted of Germans or retired men. They asked different things of her, depending on their personalities. Cristina says that she allowed them to push her into doing things she didn't want to do.

„They wanted to see my ass and breasts. Of course the vagina, but I've never shown that. And especially the legs. A lot of them only loved my face. I had to be very close to the camera. I guess because they wanted to come on it,“ she describes her daily bread at the time. Viewers turned into "lovers" over time. That's how the stream audience was called.

They were often "faithful" to only one of the girls that showed themselves on camera. When Cristina asked her admirers if they want to see her having sex with someone, they declined. „They claimed to only come to see me. That I belong to them exclusively and they don't want to see me with anyone else. Supposedly, they would get jealous,“ she quotes her previous fans. Some of them wanted to connect with her, but only one young man got to exchange Facebook profiles with her. 

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Enormous risk and the reveal

When asked, if she doesn't think it was quite a risky step, she answers firmly. „It most definitely was,“ she says regretfully. „I can't believe I actually did that. So much risk.“ But there were many other dangers as well. The longer she performed on the internet, the higher the chance of more people seeing her. Eventually, the content reached her circle. A friend of her sister connected the dots. 

„He opened my eyes to what was going on. I was visiting mother and my sister showed up with a friend. We didn't know each other back then. When we've met, he said he recognized me from somewhere. I couldn't understand where he could possibly know me from, I lived in a completely different city than him,“ she describes her initial reaction. He wasn't mistaken though. „He figured out that he saw me on the internet and told me to stop with it immediately, or he'll tell the family,“ which had brought Cristina back to reality.

Despite of this warning, a dilemma unfolded in her mind. Stripping online was making her good money and she didn't mind showing herself. Sometimes it was even pleasant for her. „I enjoyed showing myself to the world, because I was truly beautiful. Also, the vision of money in it was great. On top of that when I was high, it was really something else.“ She didn't even get discouraged by the viewers coming on to her. Even women.

„Lesbians or women that had partners. They wanted threesomes with me,“ she explains the relationship. When she declined, they've found their own solution. „They've compensated otherwise, by watching me during sex,“ she explains. The fear of being busted by her own family has eventually caused her to call it quits. Which only solved one of the problems. 

Drug-fueled trip downhill

Cristina lost her income, but the drug cravings remained. Distance from the rest of the family had played its part and since no one checked on her, she was getting more and more addicted. She has no idea if it was a natural development, but one day, the drugs just weren't cutting it for her. First experience with heavy drugs was more of a coincidence, she claims. 

„I was at a party in Prague one day, looking for speed. I've found some guy that went to the restrooms with me and gave me something that I thought was speed. But it was actually meth,“ she reminisces. „I was into it, the feeling it gave me was nice. So I started taking it, despite being against meth before. I always hated and condemned the drug,“ she explains.

One fix lead to another and another. Young girl started drowning in meth. „(First I did it) once a month, then more often and I ended up not being able to get out of bed without a hit.“ Her circle also started changing because of that. She was mostly seeing dealers that supported her addiction. „They gave me free meth, paid for my apartment and food. Just to keep me around,“ she explains how her drug cage started shaping up. 

For some reason, free meth started annoying her. She moved away, despite of the carefree drug-fueled life. „Then I lived with five boys, all of us on meth. I had to pay for it too. My grandfather, who, of course, had no idea about the drugs, lent me money that I used for the drugs and living expenses. I never stole anything from anybody. I was stubbornly fair,“ she says. Even when she found work, things didn't improve later.  

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The nose, the veins and the family problems

The desire for pleasure was relentless. Cristina went through it all during her drug phase in life. „First I snorted heavy drugs. Then I went to Prague to see someone, who gave me my first vein injection. After that, I wouldn't have it any other way, it was hell.“ She says it was a very steep ride downhill that is very hard to climb back up from.

The family-members were no strangers to her rock bottom. „They wanted to help me, so I've stopped. I checked in rehab, but only because of mom. I knew very well that I'll start again,“ Cristina confesses. After half a year of therapy, she started taking drugs again. „Once I started, she kicked me out. That cycle repeated three times. I would crash with different partners. I wanted to stop, but not badly enough,“ she admits.

The final methamphetamine divorce went down once she had a boyfriend who didn't take it. „I think the last time I took it was 2017. I found a boyfriend who did drugs, but only the party drugs and cocaine. I've stopped taking it, because he wasn't into it. I respected that and had feelings for him,“ she explains her first lighter moment in the struggle with addiction. „Since then, whenever I had a craving, I've said to myself that I can do it once in a while. Swearing to never do it again is the biggest mistake,“ she warns.

Back to life

Without the meth, things started coming together organically. Even though she broke up with the boyfriend, she realized that this encounter was a step in the right direction. She didn't take any meth after that, since she didn't miss it at all. The universe has even brought her a peaceful drug-free relationship. Oddly enough, she had met her current husband online. The same environment in which she's had so many negative experiences in the past. 

She met him five years ago via a social media post. She would visit him for a while, then it faded out. Later, they started texting again. The conversation transformed into a proper relationship that recently welcomed a new addition, a baby daughter. Today, Cristina is clean. She has a family and they're planning on expanding it soon. „I don't  have weak moments. I do think about my drug phase before sleep every now and then, but mainly the dark past. It's pretty disgusting to me. I must admit, I even dream about it sometimes,“ she claims.

Answering the question who helped her out of the addiction the most, she said she did it on her own. „You know, even though I would like to have some, I can't let it drive me crazy and make a big deal out of it. That's the biggest mistake people tend to make. They say they can't ever have any again ,and that drives them insane. It's bad. I can have it any time I want, but I just don't want it. I have no reason, I've got my family and that's the key,“ she smiles.

Relationships with parents calmed down as well. „My mom didn't speak with me for three years. It was horrible, I really missed her. We started texting when I got pregnant and then she came to visit and meet my daughter. She saw that we have a nice apartment and that I'm sorted out. So we're in contact again and I'm very grateful for it,“ she concludes cheerfully.

Past is past

You can still feel the worries in the air, though. At least the fear of the family finding out about her past online activities. „I hope my videos are no longer up. I haven't found any of them. At that time, it wasn't possible to download the videos, so the only way to keep them would be recording them on the phone. But I don't know of anyone who'd do that,“ she ponders.

Cristina would like to gain the long-lost trust of her mother back. „I think she has forgiven me. There's no reason to tell my mom, I don't like to revisit the past. It's not pleasant for me, nor her, because I know how much she had to suffer because of me. During her visit, she asked about the drugs and I've told her everything she wanted to know. We've closed the chapter and we are moving on,“ she says.

When it came to considering whether she'd share her story with her daughter, it wasn't very clear. „I think about that a lot and honestly, I'm not sure. But probably yes,“ she says. „I think she should know about that. I still have a lot of time to think it over, so let's see what the future will bring,“ Cristina explains. She would like to enlighten others with her life story. In an anti-drug way, but also concerning the erotic streams.

„Thinking back on how many men must've masturbated over me... I didn't mind then, sometimes I even liked that they were so much into me and that I was interesting enough. On the other hand, seeing the men, often very old, it brought tears to my eyes and I questioned what I was actually doing with my life,“ she evaluates her past. She says that after watching the movie 'Caught in the Net', she realized how horrible her experience in front of the camera really was. 

That's why she'd like to do something about it herself. „I've always wanted to give some lectures. For example about drugs in schools. Because a lot of kids there only know about addictions from books and it doesn't really cut it. We all know very well how bad these drugs are. But a person with actual experience is more likely to discourage me than someone who's only read about it,“  she contemplates as she says goodbye.